Spiritual Crisis by Theodore Tsaousidis
It is generally assumed that a spiritual crisis, if occurring, will do so after a major life upheaval or incident such as a diagnosis of a life-threatening illness, accident, or significant loss. However, it has also been my experience that a spiritual crisis will ultimately come about if one is actually and sincerely doing some type of spiritual practice. In any case, whatever the supposed precipitating event, the sacred call toward transformation and transcendence to one degree or another is inevitable. It is part of the territory as one enters the arena of this mysterious life journey. An experienced practitioner knows on a certain level that this crisis, whatever it may be, is a sign that deep work and purification are unfolding, even though it can feel uncomfortable and even unfathomably painful.
In the past, those who found themselves in “spiritual darkness” were for the most part, living a monastic existence in ashrams or other communities dedicated to the pursuit of spiritual connection with the divine. They had left the duties of family behind. History is full of examples of those who have struggled with this mystical inquiry and sacred crossroad. Today, when dealing with spiritual crisis, one most likely has to find a way to function within families, jobs, or communities and to continue with daily tasks and responsibilities. It is not easy.
As we pursue a spiritual path, we are all dealing with the same issues, “Who am I?” “What am I doing here?” “What is my purpose?” “Why is there so much pain and suffering?” The journey of spiritual crisis can embrace everyone in all faith traditions including the agnostic and atheist. I am not referring to religious dogma, rules, or regulations but the deep angst of needing to know how one “fits” in the universe – of knowing of things seen and unseen.
The drive behind this journey stems, and is influenced by one’s beliefs and ideas about what life is and what it is not. Thus when such angst occurs, it has generally arisen from a contemplation or situation that does not fit into our present belief system, and ultimately manifests as a spiritual or existential crisis. This is most often the result of sincere work and progress in one’s spiritual life and path.
The spiritual crisis is definitely not a static state, though when in the midst of it, one may feel like one is at a great immoveable impasse. In order to break through these impasses, one has to cultivate a resilience to burn away the limitations of our view of the world and our place in it. Logic and rationalization just disguise our old habitual ways of thinking.
For the above realization to occur, energy and effort have had to precede it. As spiritual crisis is not a static state, is also does not appear from static existence. It is an alchemical experience. There is mystery at work here, and if you are in the midst of such a crisis, then two elements have to be present within – the elements of “deep faith” and “deep doubt”. These are the positive and negative charges that generate and create energy. It’s Yin and Yang. It’s dark and light. It has to be this way. There have to be opposing forces, but working on the same team. If deep faith and deep doubt did not manifest in you, then you would not be in this awesome and fertile ground of spiritual crisis.
Spiritual crisis is ultimately about surrender. This is not throwing up your hands and giving up nor it is about nihilism. In this way, we must not mistake the nature of surrender. Surrender is about leaning into, not going away from challenges that are in front of you. As humans, our nature is generally to turn and run from anything that appears to be unpleasant or threatening. And yet, as we turn and face our fears, our anxieties, and the discomfort that that brings, as we stretch out beyond our comfort zones, we begin to change and penetrate deeper into who we are as human beings and as spiritual beings. Thus every dilemma and confusion in life (when you really look at them) can be a potential psycho/spiritual call beckoning us to travel beyond our mundane perceptions.
It is at the point when it seems there is no way through the “impasse” one is at (described earlier), that one needs to share with spiritual friends and guides who have traversed this terrain previously. What an experienced mentor does for us during this stage of spiritual crisis is to bring clarification, knowledge, and encouragement. This instills the trust and hope that even though one is experiencing this painful time, it is in fact normal – you are not going insane and there is a way though it.
It is important to note here that sharing with a spiritual guide or mentor is very different then sharing one’s journey with many other persons. This is simply because the power of this potentially transforming experience and the depth of purification and healing within it will come from “skillful containment”. In other words, holding or containing this sacred and fertile ground of experience close to you without repeatedly sharing it, will allow it to root more deeply. One may liken it to continually poking and prodding at a newly planted seed. The more it is disturbed, the less likely it will grow. Often, in these circumstances, the need to verbalize becomes a way of avoiding or numbing the discomfort and a way of escaping the ultimate surrender into the crisis of spirit.
In our modern times, instead of village healers, holy men and shamans, in whom we can seek guidance, we have doctors, religious leaders, psychiatrists, psychologists and a vast array of therapists to try and assist us in our emotional, physical and spiritual healing. We may turn to yogis, lamas, spiritual teachers, or celebrity gurus for relief of our inner turmoil. Although most “aid” in this situation is benign, some of it can be downright harmful. Unfortunately, not all spiritual or faith leaders can be of assistance in these times, nor all therapists or counselors. In extreme cass, individuals may be misdiagnosed with a form of mental illness or depression.
The true guide and teacher not only have to be on the other side of their own spiritual crisis, but also must be an example of clear morality and ethics. I urge you to be aware of the guide or teacher who may say that one must obey his or her instructions without question. A “teacher”, in the true sense of the word (including all those professions mentioned above) is someone who will have your interests and needs as his or her first priority. These authentic guides are models of compassion and wisdom, guided by integrity in all that they say and do. To do something that is not ethical or moral or against your own intuition or integrity would never be requested. You will always be guided to respond from your place of knowing and encouraged to find your own answers based on your own experiences. Underlying all their assistance and teachings is a gentleness and kindness based on mutual respect and consideration.
Although a bona fide guide or spiritual teacher is important in this journey of spiritual crisis, we ourselves have to take responsibility for the attraction toward and the search for “the quick fix”. We need to truly assess the longing for someone or something that we can acquire that will be our panacea, our happy-ever-after ending. If we are honest, it is our greed and ignorance that begins to turn our search for answers and healing into a hunt for a commodity, a thing to be procured. In reality, this “hunt of the quick fix” and the acceptance of oversimplified solutions is the complete opposite of the teachings of the great spiritual leaders. Their message is that true healing is not a thing. It is not a commodity to be acquired. It is not knowledge nor is it energy to be transferred to your body and mind by the touch of a guru. It is not a weekend retreat nor a workshop but the daily awareness and reflection of our present condition in the midst of daily living, whatever our situation. It is work, work that is simple but not easy and almost impossible without an existing spiritual practice such as meditation and/or prayer and reflection.
A word of caution around meditation if you are experiencing this state of crisis – if you are new to the practice of meditation or have not been meditating for a long period of time, you should seek out the guidance of a skillful meditation teacher. Meditating during this time may intensify your situation and will necessarily require competent direction.
Since the body/mind is not separated, you will most likely feel the effects of spiritual crisis on all levels of functioning: physically, mentally, emotionally, and behaviorally. You may experience turmoil in relationships with others and the world at large and/or have a total sense of abandonment. Your emotional life may be like a roller coaster at this time and move between feelings of blankness and numbness to darkness and despair. In fact, manifestations of all kinds of “symptoms” such as restlessness, sleeplessness, oversleeping, over or under eating, fatigue, irritability, mental fog, anger, melancholy, use of addictive substances and so on may occur. The following are some suggestions that may help and comfort you at this time.
- Take walks. Do Yoga or Tai Chi or some physical exercise with gentle moves.
- Look at beautiful paintings or photography in galleries or books.
- If you can, avoid over-intellectual pursuits, negative persons and situations including listening to the daily news.
- Listen to soothing music, read poetry and writings of authors such as Hafiz, Rumi, Maya Angelou, Thich Nhat Hanh, Tagore, Teresa of Avila, St. Francis of Assisi etcetera. Read such poems and writings not as a way to find answers, but to be in the company of fellow travelers.
- This state calls for nature in all its manifestations. Experience it deeply. Your mind and spirit have been and are overwhelmed. Touching something like a rock or a tree, listening to natural sounds, feeling the air on your skin, just looking out into nature can soothe the soul. Nature is accessible to you and indeed a part of you. Let her cradle and rock you.
- When despairing thoughts arise, learn to view them as you would the weather – be an observer, a bystander. Become a witness. Allow the thoughts to arise and then watch them change shape and disappear like clouds.
- Postpone important decisions if you can at this time.
- Try to avoid sugar and alcohol. If you must have chocolate, take only over 70% dark.
Take heart, eventually you will come to a point of calm, the storm having settled. It is important to again meet with your mentor or spiritual guide. Sharing with your mentor or guide helps to acknowledge and validate your experience. Support is always pivotal and in actuality always available in some form. This is a true hero’s journey and the territory complex. Let go of a timeline. It will take as long as it takes. As best you can, take the time and space you need to nourish and rest. Remember, you are not alone. There is support, both seen and unseen always present.
One night I dreamed I was walking along the beach with the Lord. Many scenes from my life flashed across the sky.
In each scene I noticed footprints in the sand. Sometimes there were two sets of footprints, other times there was one only.
This bothered me because I noticed that during the low periods of my life, when I was suffering from anguish, sorrow or defeat, I could see only one set of footprints, so I said to the Lord,
“You promised me Lord, that if I followed you, you would walk with me always. But I have noticed that during the most trying periods of my life there has only been one set of footprints in the sand. Why, when I needed you most, have you not been there for me?”
The Lord replied, “The years when you have seen only one set of footprints, my child, is when I carried you.”
Mary Stevenson, 1936.
This article is based on a series of three talks given by Theodore Tsaousidis in Toronto during the of Fall of 2007 called “The Bright Darkness”.
Copyright 2009 Theodore Tsaousidis
Hi Theodore,
Thank you. Well done. This will no doubt be of good use to those going through this ‘wonderful’ yet difficult stage in their evolution.
Gashos,
Philip
I found “crisis” to be very informative and instrumental in outlining for the individual some of the attributes of the spiritual path and crises thereof that will surely help the individual understand the “road” ahead.
Dave D. Etobicoke
Thank you so much for the clarity and care you express on this most important topic.
As always, you are offering high quality intelligence, full of heart. The sense of reasoned experience, that you have walked the walk is clear in every line.
What an eloquent description of the dark night of the soul experience. Thank you for sharing it.
Elizabeth
Thank you for blessing me today with this enlightening article. In this dark time you have planted a seed of hope.
bless you, James
Great writing. You have made me feel not alone and convinced me there is an end of this seemingly endless tunnel. Yes it is not static because God is carrying us while running.
Thank you
thanks for a good description of hard but fruitful period of life time. It suits my situation.
Dear Futuh
Many have voiced a similar response to this article but the words, “…it is not static because God is carrying us while running.” may perhaps have articulated the experience for us all. True understanding must eventually leave the mind and become part of our bodies. Life ‘s obtacles still exist but with this deeper understanding (and thus deeper perception) a faith (that was always there) is revealed which helps to transcend and transform these obstacles. In fact, the very act of response (the article being a catalyst) is the alchemic process of healing and connection.
Thank you
Theodore
thank you theodore for your insights and good intentions.
all my best, lindsey
Thank you for your article and it was great to speak to you and gain some insight about this very topic. This is a life-long struggle with seemingly no respite at times, but people such as yourself and your wisdom help to make the journey lighter.
Paul
Thank you Theodore. I found your piece kind and gentle … I think it’s important to hear that there’s nothing “wrong,” – there is faith and there is doubt; as practioners, people, we share these experiences
Thanks a lot. It is a painful journey.. hope to get clarity soon.
God bless you.
Namaste, Theodore,
I thank you from the bottom of my heart … the divine in this Maya is present even when not present. I read this article in a time when I was meant to read it. I bow humbly, Namaste 🙂 May all be well
God never burdons a soul more than it can bear.
Alla’u’abha – Michael
The blessing behind my spiritual crisis has come in the simple acknowledgement of the dialog -that there IS one. I feel that this is a reflection of many truths and the nature of the realization process – mind and body, matter and spirit, light and dark, creation and destruction, etc. In any case, I’ve been in the “process” so to speak and here I am on a difficult day, feeling overwhelmed and in need of reflection of the truths of my process. In my case I have not found a teacher or a master, however I have been buoyed along the way by reflections such as yours. Thank you deeply for sharing this.
Thank you so, so much. These words have helped and affected me so deeply–I’m moved to tears (once again!) Thank you for your very clear advice on what to do to ground—this has been such an intensely emotional difficult time and it gives me hope and faith that this too will pass and that the experience will not have been in vain….that deeper turnings, and internal workings are happening. While this has been my prayer and my call for years, I never knew how hard it would be. “Be careful what you wish for” has a whole new meaning!:) Thanks you, thank, thank you. In peace, Kathryn
The world hopes for even more passionate writers like you who are not afraid to speak.
amazing insightful loving article
thank you
Namaste fellow light one X
when I read “deep faith” and “deep doubt” I just started crying – yes, and at the point I am at right now I wonder how this could be fruitful…I am on the rollercoaster…we’ll see
Thank you, I really needed this right now in my life.
and what if the crisis includes questioning being a yoga teacher?
If we have the capacity to question then we have the capacity to engage the object of our question. The difficulty comes sometimes questioning is more of why life is not manifesting the way I invision it or want it be rather than honouring my embody experience and moving into a new territory. Of course, this work is challenging to say the least.
Rollercoaster is a difficult but a good analogy. Deep faith and deep doubt when embodied takes a life of its own and you are just there for the ride. It is endless varied emotions that sometimes seems to come all at once. When we are lucky in the mist of so much doubt and uncertainty somehow we witness the whole human condition, experiencing it but not being highjacked by it.
Thank you for posting your writings on Spiritual Crisis. Your article helped me as I went through this healing process. Now gratefully on the other side of this awakening, I read your words again, realizing how important it is to keep this post up for others to find while on their path. Thanks again.
Thank you! Thank you! Thank YOU! The only thing I would add is to be in the presence of unconditional love like a parent, a partner, or a puppy. (Speaking as someone who has transitioned.)
Thank you for this article it’s given me reassurance at this time. Right now I am on medication for phycosis yet they found nothing wrong with me whatsoever other than my behavior became quite manic so was my mood. I’m still feeling so lost and don’t know what to do but I will continue doing yoga.
Theo wonderful experience reading this article U taught me lifetime lessons,Thanks
Much appreciation. This was exactly what I needed to be reminded of.
I was reading this and thinking of the loss of my mother earlier this year, and as I read on I came to ‘Footprints in the Sand’ which I read out at my mother’s funeral service as she requested. It felt like a sign to let go, and I thank you.